I remember hearing countless times while growing up…….’You can be whatever you want to be’ and ‘Just be yourself’………………….My younger self was always confused by these conflicting messages -they are totally contradictory!

I’ve been rolling this over in my mind the past couple weeks & finally have a satisfying answer….

First, a couple of truths…..

Everyone’s personality changes.  Who we are today is not who we were in 1998, nor is it who we will become in 2038…..We will slowly change for hundreds or even thousands of little reasons.

Major life events can dramatically change personality in a very short time…..think of a soldier who experiences PTSD; A man who loses a child, a wife, a career, his mental or physical capacity after an accident;  All of these are dramatic and almost universally negative, but the commonality is instant change.

The world changes us, and for the most part – it feels like we have minimal control.  Most peeps believe their personal destiny is pre-determined or they go through life not even thinking about it…

BUT,

The most powerful among us can change, almost at whim.   Life doesn’t change them – they change life…..It is a power greater than wealth, fame, position, family resources, appearances……It is innate and cannot be taken away once understood and internalized.  True inner power wins, while the advantages of wealth/privilege/genetics only affords a head start.

What is the source of this power?……..They understand what is important to themselves…….They learn AND INTERNALIZE new information, emotions, truths……They disregard fear of unknown outcomes. They trust in their ability to navigate a better life.  They know the world is a place of ABUNDANCE, and not scarcity…..IF YOU CAN’T GET SOMETHING HERE, KEEP LOOKING AND YOU WILL FIND EVEN MORE OF IT OVER THERE.

For these reasons – I firmly believe You Can Be Whoever You Want To Be.

What about ‘Just Be Yourself’?

A few thoughts on that……

1. If you truly are happy with every facet of your life – then congrats – you are 100% satisfied, you’ve won the jackpot of life…..you really can ‘just be yourself’.
2. ‘Just be yourself’ is something said when the speaker doesn’t know what else to say, is too lazy to explain personal growth, or has little/no faith in the listener to create positive personal changes.
3. ‘Just be yourself’ can also be used (sinisterly) when the speaker doesn’t want a person to change, because it may cause discomfort or loss or fear in the speaker…..be wary if you suspect this motivation.

Lastly, a tangent thought – The foundation of America’s greatness is the right to pursue happiness coupled with individual freedoms….The American experiment values innate personal power & willingness to take risk over wealth, privilege, lineage & resources.

Came across this Latin phrase, which translates to ‘Deeds, Not Words’……..A little less talk, a lot more action.

Can it get more masculine than that?

Real men do & let their actions speak for themselves.

Wannabe men talk & hope to impress their audience.

If you are a guy that looks for opportunity to shout how great you are, how important you are, how the world would stop without your presence – just stop. If you tell others how you did sooooo much for someone else and were then treated poorly – Seriously – just stop. (You can’t do ‘nice’ things for others and then expect things as a result -that’s shitty……do nice things solely because you want to do them, and not for any other reason)

Telling your acquaintance/friend/girlfriend/wife/child/other children/employer/co-worker/your church/your community/ about all your good deeds and/or your unreturned good will- is not masculine. You are simply a weak man looking for attention or validation.

Maybe you just want to fool others into believing your inflated view of yourself. Maybe you want to convince yourself. Maybe you think the woman you are talking to will think you are wonderful and want to be with you(any woman of value will not!). Just stop!

Figure out what you want to do, and then just do it.  You don’t need approval, validation, a reward, a cookie.  I really believe our school system contributes to the creation of weak men.  Instead of encouraging individuality, free thinking & risk taking, the emphasis is on follow directions, don’t rock the boat, go along to get along, etc.

Action = Masculine

If you have children, you have an incredible gift.  Fatherhood is going to be a recurring topic.

I came from a big family, raised on a farm,  youngest of 6 siblings.  My parents were married over 50 years. It was definitely a very traditional upbringing……even 30 years ago, it was about as traditional as you could find.

Fast forward to today…..most marriages end in divorce, and raising children(who may not even have been born inside a marriage) is a much different dynamic today.  If you have your kids 100% of the time, either because you are married to their biological mom or you are one of the unicorn men who has sole custody after divorce – you are probably a pretty awesome dude.  Perhaps you are married and have step-kids, or maybe you have both biological and steps….

Usually men do not fare well in custody battles. The court system is very much stacked against fathers in family courts.  I consider myself fortunate – I have had 50/50 physical and joint custody, and am named as the primary residence,  since my biological kids were ages 1 and 3.

If your kids are younger – take advantage of this time – this is the best time to build the foundation of the relationship….it will be much harder to start from scratch once they are in the tween or teen years.  I loved the time I had with the kids when they were younger – the camping, fairs, movies, bowling, Christmas decorating, etc.  Now that they are older (two of my step-kids are already moved out and adulting now) the frequency becomes much less and farther in between.

I have been absent much more than I care to admit the past few years…..When I was employed by others – making time for the kids was easy.  For the past 3 1/2 years I have been building a business from the ground up….While challenging and rewarding, it has definitely reduced the amount of time I’ve been able to spend with them in their early to late teen years.  I’m now trying to make as much out of the remaining time, before they all fly the coop….that day is coming sooner than I care to admit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another full month completed.  Continuing to feel energetic & motivated by physical results…..motivation is spilling over into other areas.

Results are as of 10/15

Weight: 203 pounds, down from 208 on 9/15, 215 on 8/28, and from 238 back in April.  Goal is 210

Neck: 16 3/4″ , down from 17″ on 9 /15 and 17 3/8″ on 8 /26.

Biceps: 15 1/8″, up from 14 5/8″ on 9 /15 and 15″ on 8 /26

Chest: 46″ flexed, down from 47″ on 9 /15 but up from 45″ on 8 /26.

Waist: 38 3/4″ , down from 39 1/2 from 9/15 and 40″ on 8 /26

Hips: 39 1/4″ , down from 40″ on 9 /15 and 41 on 8/26

Thigh: 23 1/4″ , down from 23 3/4″ on 9 /15 and 24″ on 8 /26

Calf: 16 1/4″ , down from 16 1/2″ on 9 /15 and 8/26.

 

Last night at improv class(which is a lot of fun….highly recommend!) we had to choose to be an animal, act like that animal, walk, make noise, gestures, take over its mindset, and communicate as though we were that creature….once we did that – we were told to become the human version of that animal….

Everyone had chosen a different animal, even though that part was unplanned.  There was a eagle, a sloth, a panther, a bear, a kangaroo, a gorilla, a sasquatch, a rat, a rabbit, a cat, you get the idea.

Kelsey, our improv teacher, then had us sit on stage, four at a time, being the human versions of our chosen animals.  She interviewed us individually, and it was on each of us to communicate our animal, without stating who we were.  We were asked about our imaginary work, relationships, hobbies, fears, etc.  Gestures/miming was encouraged.

Each person accurately and creatively portrayed their chosen animal & as a result -Every person was able to successfully identify each animal.  It was easy and entertaining.

The lesson I took from this exercise was that we can choose who we want to be. We can be that person….All it takes is some effort to internalize who we want to be and how we want to communicate it to those we encounter in our daily lives.

 

 

 

Part I , because there are many elements of style. Today, just posting about basics…….Just a little attention to a few details goes a lllooonnnnggggg way.   Improving your clothing & style is one of the easiest improvements. It really is.

Gains in the weight room are slow and difficult.  Style points can be achieved in one afternoon.

• Get a man’s personal trimmer, found at any drug store or Walmart. Best $15 investment, in terms of rate of return…..Then – think about all the times you were talking with your grandpa when you were a kid….You may not have even remembered some conversations because you were focused on the number and variety of hairs coming out of his nose, ears, neckline of shirt, and wild eyebrows.  We love grandpa, but don’t want nose hair as our most noticeable physical feature.
• Throw out old clothes that are worn, stained, filled with holes, faded, etc.
• If you wear shoes, polish them
• Once you get your body to your ideal size – take your remaining clothes to a tailor. It’s much cheaper than buying new.  They’ll take measurements and refit your existing wardrobe……..the change between tailored clothes and off the rack will make a noticeable difference.
• If you can pull of the look, get some tank tops. Even better if you can find a couple that are funny.  My two favorites say ‘May Contain Alcohol’ and ‘No Salty Bitches’.

This is huge…….If we aren’t growing, we are dying.

Exploring & learning new things – keeps us fresh. It changes us for the better…………Knowledge, once learned is magical, in that our brains automatically assimilate the new information into our brains.  This growth will change your outlook, your approach to life, your opinion of strangers and closest confidants.   The only potential downside (which is temporary) is possible anger at realizing what was your truth turns out to be false…Letting go of a closely held belief can feel like you are losing a part of yourself.  But do it – If you were wrong, you were wrong – own it and move forward.

Podcasts: What if you don’t have time to chase new ventures? My busy season has me working the equivalent of two full time jobs…..I have discovered podcasts, which allow me to work and learn at the same time.   A set of earbuds allows you to listen while doing the work you’d already be doing or in between customers.  I’ve even listened to podcasts if I can’t sleep.

There are tremendous resources out there – just type in the topic you are interested in + podcast, and you’ll be amazed at what you find…….

Join A Class:  I took my first improv class last night….Best thing I’ve done just for myself in a long time.  It was an entirely new group of people, all learning, play-acting,  and having fun.  Improv is a blast…..I had no idea what to expect, and thoroughly enjoyed it…..It had the same feel of getting to know the people sharing your dorm in college.

Implement:  Learning is only valuable once you apply it. Take your new knowledge and skills and use them in everyday life.  It’s all about you doing you…..and enjoying the journey.

 

Customers at my market will sometimes ask for something that may not be on display or in a different quantity, or variety than is available. About half the time, they then apologize for being difficult…..My responses are always the same – “If you don’t ask, you don’t get” or “If you’re picky about what you want, you’ll often get it”……..Sometimes I’ll pick something fresh as they wait(swiss chard, basil, chives, etc) or special order a unique foreign beer, like Spaten………and the customer gets what they want, ONLY because they had certain standards to be met and they were willing to ask.

I think life works the same way.  If we set high standards, and pursue them – then the abundance of the world will truly become available to us……as much as we require of it. Creating ever increasing standards for yourself and others is hugely positive.

If we set our standards low – even though we want more, need more, crave more – those low standards will continue to be met.  If we set our standards high – then we raise ourselves up and others in our lives too.

What has caused you unhappiness because your standards are low?

Can you gradually raise the standards of what is acceptable and be happier as a result?

It is empowering.

Earlier posts referenced the importance of setting goals, working to achieve them, and posting results.  It is a motivational and accountability tactic …..and key to manprovement.

So here goes: I’ve been lifting and eating better since August 26. (I started losing weight in April, when I was 238 pounds. That part of my journey began months ago, before I decided to become disciplined)

Bullets below are measurements, progress since initial measurement, and final goal.

• Weight =208 pounds (dropped 7 pounds since 8/26)  Goal is 210 pounds….However, to achieve this I have to start adding more muscle as I continue to reduce bodyfat.
• Chest = 44 7/8″ relaxed, 47″ flexed. (improvement of 1 3/8″ since 8/26) Goal of 50″ flexed.  I think this number improved so much due to exercises that increase upper back muscles, which have responded better than I expected.
• Waist= 39.5″ (reduced waist by 0.5″) Goal of 34″.  I have to start doing more sit ups and crunches.
• Hips = 40″ (reduced hips by 1″) Goal of 38″.
• Arms 14 5/8″ (lost 3/8 inches since 8/26). Goal is 17″.  I feel stronger, I’m guessing the loss is due to loss of fat weight…..Need to target biceps and triceps.
• Thighs = 23 3/4″ (lost 1/4″ since 8/26) Goal of 25″
• Calves = 16 1/2″ (no change) No goal on calves….if the rest of everything else keeps improving, this is insignificant.
• Neck = 17″ (lost 3/8″ since 8/26) Goal of 16″
• Energy Levels: By far, the best in recent memory….!

As a reward, I bought a few tank tops for myself that I can wear out on walks or certain social functions. I am proud of these initial results. I also know that the easiest gains are the first ones…..

Don’t just work on the physical…..that’s shallow… Remember – the reason you start with physical improvement is to create the energy required to tackle everything that matters(relationships/home/work/financial/spiritual/social status)

I’ll also blog about those goals in these other areas, sharing the success and shortcomings in future posts.

 

 

 

 

The prior post explained why working out and lifting is so important to start on the manprovement journey.  This post will lay out what to work on next.

There is so much to work on…..relationships, career, physical, emotional, spiritual, household living, hobbies, financial, social status, clothing and appearance, developing talents and skills….it can be overwhelming just deciding where to start.

The truth is, it doesn’t really matter where you start….just start!.   Little improvements here or there impact almost  everything.  And sometimes working on the items that are minor – begin to have positive impacts on much bigger things.  I can walk by some minor irritant(weeds growing in a flower bed) and be bothered by it each time I notice it. It gets added to the to-do list, and is a tiny weight.  These tiny weights add up and decrease mood & happiness with life, which then spills over into other areas. Conversely – fixing little things – cumulatively lifts your mood.  Cleaning up those types of tiny things also give a sense of accomplishment.

More importantly, manning up and doing whatever is needed, consistently on a daily basis – has a tremendous cumulative effect. Think of a snowfall, any one minute of snow is almost impossible to measure by weight or volume. However, after six hours – you can have so much snow you are amazed at what was created.  Six hours = 360 minutes, or about as many days in a year……Your improvement over a year will make you a new man.

So – to begin, Lift & Exercise, then just pick something, then something else, then the next……..Who will you be one year from now?